was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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