Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
