i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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