I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
