She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
