I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
