I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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