when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
