I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
