If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
