dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
