I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
