My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
