Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
