mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
