her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
