mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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