I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
