i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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