1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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