Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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