just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
