I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
