hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
