Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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