The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
