Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
