wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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