I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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