Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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