the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
