Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
