just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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