it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sext me about skeletons
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
