Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
