Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
