no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
