why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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