in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my liver is dry heaving
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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