the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
