Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
