Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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