he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
