I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
