Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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