I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
