Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
