So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
