Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
