alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
