i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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