We named our party play list daddy issues
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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