P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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