dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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