He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im six kinds of drunk right now
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
