As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
