Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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