People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I could fuck to npr.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
