sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
