roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
