So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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