you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
