I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
