I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
