Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
