I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
