It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
