ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
