he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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