I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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