You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it was like eating out sand paper
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So squirting runs in the family.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
