We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We need a shit load of segways right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
